Piranha

Teeth-me-do this must be be the most gratuitous film I've ever seen. Bad science results in nipple nibbles and flappy fleshy. Once the bad science has done its thing there's barely five minutes let up from lovely ladies jiggling and a-wiggling their bits or limbs, eyeballs and faces getting eviscerated or lovely ladies jiggling and a-wiggling their bits. Again. But it's not all sexist misogyny. Oh no - there's a bit of male genitalia floating around too. Snigger.

Great to see a proper 18 certificate film too. I can't remember seeing a more gory film for the last twenty years or so. Some of it is brutally realistic. The credits give a big thanks to the 'Association of Amputee Surfers' and it's obvious that those guys were very busy.

Surprisingly for a film this trashy, it's really well made and more clever than you'd think. There's also some nice nods to Jaws with the reverse-zoom and a cameo from Richard Dreyfuss. This is a movie that knows exactly what it's doing and its main selling point, the 3D, is particularly good - even if it is mostly used as an excuse to get a succession of performing breasts front and centre. There's oily breasts, skiing breasts, tequila breasts, dancing breasts, surfing breasts and much more. In fact they should have called it Piranha 3D DD. Which brings me to Kelly Brook.

I'll be honest, she's very, very well put together. But what Mother Nature gave with one hand, she took with the other. Here is a woman who should never be allowed to speak on screen or stage. That voice. The strange softy, shouty delivery. Arrgh! Quick - get her doing some bizarre nudey underwater ballet scene or something. Oh you have.....oh yes, that's much better thank you.

Away from the breast-fest though, my favourite moment of the film was the return to the big screen for Christopher Lloyd. He gets to play the usual manic professor type of course but his brief exposition heavy appearance was the icing on a very bloody, funny and enjoyable (fish)cake. Great Scott!