Seat secured, I settled down and tried to get into Guy Ritchie's big hollywood adventure. Except I couldn't. People were still coming in. 5 minutes, 10, 15, 20...they were still coming in. The twitch returned. It's bad enough I have to share cinemas with other people but excessive latecomers? Being shot in the chin by a sniper would be too good for them.
Then one of these freaks sat next to me. She'd missed the whole first act. And she had ice cream. She'd rather queue to fill her stupid face with overpriced frozen slush than watch the film she's paid to see. Then some faintly amusing incidents happened onscreen and the ben & jerry mentallist laughed - but not a normal laugh. A stupid loud and stupid laugh that went on stupidly longer than it should have and was about 5 seconds after other people's reactions. Then it started making mono-syllabic comments. Wow, yay, woo. I flinched and tried to focus on the film........which was actually fairly good. Admittedly it was RDJ that kept you watching but it all looked nice. Guy's directorial flourishes stayed just the right side of show-offy. Although the bare knuckle fight bit had me thinking of snatch. Not that I need much excuse for that. Whole film felt a bit like a prequel too. Job done though.
As I left, the ben & jerry mentallist barged right in front of me to drop her licked clean tub in the bin. I realised she'd been sent by the cinema gods to punish me. I'm sorry. I will never be late or impulsively rush into films I don't have tickets for again.
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