Caddyshack

Punch-me-stupid this was hard work. Possibly one of the least entertaining films I've ever seen. Me takes me hat off to me for sitting through the whole thing. Was expecting slapstick, Harold Ramis, rudey, Bill Murray inspired chuckles or something. Wrongness. So dull. Ack. Never watch again.

If anyone reading this (unlikely) found this film really funny (even more unlikely) then use your fingers below and Comment-me-up.

How To Train Your Dragon

Little Jack was off to a mid-morning birthday party today so Mrs F suggested that I take eldest son to see this. Unexpected cinema visit = a very happy Fletch. Bought Luke a moviebox thingy with drink, popcorn and chocolates. He refuses to start tucking in until the film itself starts though so he can get the full experience. He is definitely a mini-me, expect a rival Fletch Eats Movies blog in about 15 years. Unless he finds something better to do. Like anything.

Really enjoyable kiddies' film this. Luke loved it and spent the rest of the day pretending to be a dragon, running round the shops flapping and breathing fire (two things I often do when shopping with the wife). We saw the 3D version and it was on one of the better screens at Cineworld. The quality and clarity of the projection was very clear. Think you can get a bit too used to fuzzy screens, intermittently duff sounds and overly hot theatres so it was a real treat to have a decent screening for once.

Anyway the film. Yeh. A decent story, great animation, excellent voice cast (gruff Gerard Butler a highlight) and a nice, positive moral message. Don't hate others just because they're different to you. Get to know them. Just show them your snake, tickle their chests and then jump on their backs and ride them hard before sharing fishy, sloppy seconds. Simple. Don't look at me like that. This is what happens in this film. Not the DVD you have at the back of your wardrobe that you think I don't know about.

The Man Who Fell To Earth

Weird looking thin guy creates a hugely successful corporation whose wealth increases with every new fantastically technologically advanced product release. Yes madam, it's the story of Steve Jobs and Apple. Sorry. I make the funny. David Bowie's your main man here playing a freaky, fragile alien. I love his acting roles, I find him curiously mesmerising. Even in Labyrinth ('You remind me of the babe'). But here he is simply perfect - no one could have done a better job.

The mood and visual style of this film is brilliantly bonkers 1970's. Nic Roeg didn't much like signposting things for an audience did he? You have to keep up with it, fill in the gaps yourself and get used to sudden jumps forward in what passes for a narrative. No 'Ten Years Later' text titles here. One thing he did like though was a good sex scene. If by good you mean weird as hell and always intercut with anything that's quirky and contrasting that is. Rip Torn must have loved his agent for getting him this gig. Agent - "Yeh Rip, you play a college professor who gets to bounce around in the nuddy with as many of his pupils as possible". Rip - "Where do I sign?".

I was completely into this film for about 80% of it. Maybe 82%. Loved it, got it, wallowed in it. But then it went off in a direction I didn't want it to (how selfish) and ended on a non-ending that made me say pfffft. I like an abstract ending as much as the next movie geek but here I felt a bit cheated. Here's a graph to illustrate this:

Clash of the Titans

Quality Street were always the poor man's chocolate selection I think. These days it's all Celebrations this and Heroes that but even back in the day, you couldn't help but feel a bit short changed by the Qually Street. You'd still chomp away and enjoy them though wouldn't you eh? Probably only at Christmas too. Like dry roasted peanuts.

Very silly billy silly this new Clash of the Titans. Was never bored though. Story zips from one show-offy set piece to another and the creature designs and effects are done good. Liam Neeson looks lovely in his soft focus and glittery god suit of armour but he's a bit wet as Zeus. Have I missed something about Gemma Arterton? She's rubbish. Sorry, no more critical anaysis than that. She's just rubbish. Oh I know what did make me grinny grin though - Michael Ironside's in it for a teeny bit as another god in shiny armour. He always makes me laugh that fella, there's just something about him. Like Brian Dennehy. Snigger.

Several members of the audience guffawed when it was revealed that the stronghold of Man was in Argos. Actually that is quite a funny thought. Titans - stop all that Clashing immediately and proceed to Collection Point B so that an awkward faced woman with a moustache can ignore you for 10 minutes whilst she waits for a bread bin to roll off the conveyer belt.

If you likes noise and special effects and heli-style swooping shots for every new location and unclear editing in fight scenes and Ralph Fiennes earning a fortune for whispering and spinning about a bit - then look forward to Boxing Day in about 11 years when this is on telly for the 5th time. Get yourself some Quality Street and enjoy. It'll be perfect.

Kick-Ass

Grrr. I should have made films like this. Seriously, in some parallel universe where burgers are good for you and Kirk has the pointy ears, there's a Fletch who got off of his arse, realised what he should do with his life and went out and made films instead of being a web monkey. I'm not saying that they would have been as good as this (my parallel ego isn't that big) but this is the sort of film they would be like. But enough of my regrets...
     

Kick-Ass is a great film. You have to see it. It's just so much bloody fun (excellent unintentional pun there). Fabulously, gloriously, violently, stupidly entertaining. I loved it. So many good things to mention but sod that, you need to enjoy them for yourself. Don't let some film geek on a blog site ruin it for you. I will say that Nicolas Cage (who last made a good film....when?) playing 'Big Daddy' in the style of Adam West's Batman is worth the ticket price on its own. And that it's really funny and the action scenes are like OMG awesome dude - Hit Girl will be a cinema legend. The superhero references and clever nods to modern internet use/abuse are good value too.

My obsession with movies was forged watching miles of VHS tape round great mate Lolly Lol's house as a kid. Watching Kick-Ass made me feel the same way I felt as a 12 year old seeing Predator or Robocop for the first time. In my stupid head that's high praise. So yeah, I'll never make a film like this but I'm pleased that Matthew Vaughn has. He's married to Claudia Schiffer too, the git. In some parallel universe he must be really suffering.

The Imaginarium Of Doctor Parnassus

Had a very mini sleep attack and checked the football scores a few times on me mobile during this. That suggests that my attention was not grippety gripped as much as I'd have liked. And I'd really have liked to have loved this. A man known as Terry Gilliam made it and he makes interesting films. Usually there's some almighty kerfuffle during production but sadly this time the kerfuffle was very grim indeed. So the film starts and I'm intrigued by a story I know nothing about and pleasantly surprised by the modern British setting and lo-fi approach. This lasted for about 23 minutes until my brain bits began to wander. Every now and then the obligatory Gilliam fantasy visual showy stuff wanders in and perks things up. Lily Cole was better than she should have been too.

For a story about stories though (I think) the story is a bit borey. Seems a bit nasty to suggest that the emergency solution they came up with of having Ledger's role played by multiple characters is one of the best bits of the film - but it works so perfectly you can't imagine it without. Actually the last third on the whole is bloomin' good. There's finally a bit of purpose and momentum which is well matched by Gilliam fully unscrewing the fizzy pop movie bottle and spraying eyeball juice everywhere. Yes I did just type that. So to summarise, the film ends really well and Barcelona beat Arsenal 4-1.

Harry Brown

A bit unpleasant. Social commentary only slightly less convincing than our elderly hero's lurch into being a vigilante. First half ok. Caine is sad and old and playing chess and watching nasty basts through his curtains. Then Harry Potter's caretaker gets offed and Harry Brown gets grrr and does stab-stab and shoot-shoot. Skinny weed farmer man was freaky. Made the mistake of watching a minute or two of the special features. Caine thinks we're all partly responsible for 'broken Britain'. Uhuh. He must get a great view of it flying in from his holiday home in the Bahamas. Which he bought with the money he got from Jaws 4. I think I'd rather watch that than this. Oh and the poster is a wrong thing too. Look:

Cool isn't it? Really cool. Look at the monochrome druggy kids with guns, they're cool. Especially the one with her girl legs out. Phwoar, you need to see this cool film lads. And the logo's cool coz it's a bit British. Maybe it's just me - I am becoming a thoroughly miserable sod after all - but trying to sell this as the new Trainspotting leaves a nasty taste in the mouth. Like cucumber. Christ I hate cucumber.