Predators

I'm all for sequels being made by people who love and appreciate the originals but it doesn't always guarantee you'll get a great film. Sadly that's the case with Predators. It's stuffed to the mandibles with references, nods and in jokes to the mighty 1987 Schwarzenegger classic - even the music has been lovingly recreated. The problem is that no one seems to have put as much effort into updating Robert Rodriquez's screenplay which was sitting in a cabinet for 16 years apparently. Maybe he should have directed it a bit sooner rather than leaving it to some other guy.

The movie's concept of having a bunch of badass strangers dumped on an alien planet to be hunted by the Preds is all well and good but it just ends up as being a bit 'something old, something new'. Jungle setting, gun toting team picked off one by one, traps, mud, fire, waterfalls = old. Alien dogs and bigger predators with revamped designs and dodgy masks = new. There's not much to it beyond that and you can't help but feel a bit shortchanged in the end - though not as badly as I felt when Cineworld charged me £2.05 for a small bottle of water. I tried making the Predator guttural, clicky sound at the cashier but she wouldn't budge on the price.

I think my problem with the film is that the thrill of revisting all the bits you loved about Predator is worn away after about twenty minutes and you realise you'd be better off watching the original on DVD. Instead you're left with a gang of mainly stereotypical types getting bashed about by some evil monster-bads who look like they're auditioning for a WWE wrestle-fest. Adrien Brody's ok in it but you never believe in his character - or want to spend any time with him. Not like Arnie's squad from Team 87. Those guys were cool. And they were well characterised and charismatic and cool. And I loved them. No one will be saying that about this lot in 23 year's time.

It's a bit of a shame really as Predators starts very well - no preamble (or any other kind of amble), just bang and you're straight into it as the audience and the characters are literally parachuted into a strange new world. Ack - can't stop humming the theme from Aladdin now ('Don't you dare close your eyes'). Where was I...oh yeah, so...there's a good start followed by more goodness from spotting all the Predator fan bits followed by some ok bits followed by some silly bits. Um, that's it really.

This review has rather tailed off towards the end hasn't it? Just like the film really. Now where's my signed Stan Winston book...