Universal Soldier Regeneration

Odd film. Can't remember a thing about the original movie except that it was quite a laugh and may have had a big, cool truck in it. A big, cool truck makes any film at least 9% better. That is a scientifical fact. In this one, JCVD and 'I must break you' are um - regenerated. One of them from a freezer in a welsh fish and chip shop (lie) and the other from a living hell where an unbearably nice lady keeps asking him stupid questions about whether he's happy or hot or something (true).

Some stuff happens and lots of soldiers get deaded in what look like the belly of Battersea Power Station. A russian pit bull bloke turns up and spends a lot of time punching people in the face about 100 times more than is necessary. He really likes punching people's faces. A lot. He's pretty good at it though to be fair and it would be wrong to hold back his talent. JCVD and 'I must break you' wander in looking tired and haggard (the freezing didn't do them much good) and have a Sanatogen fuelled smackdown. The world is saved. End.

Why odd film says you? Because it's like 'Terminator 3' meets 'Children of Men' says me. The former because it's a threequel about unstoppable, killing machines with an ageing star and the latter because it's really bleak looking and surprisingly lo-fi. It all makes for a bit of an odd combination. Like if you were cracking a safe and you had to twist the dial to '3, 9, 7, 7, 1'. A glance at the end credits revealed that the director of photography was Peter Hyams. What's a relatively well known director (2010, End Of Days) doing mucking about as the D.O.P on this I thought? Ahh, because it's directed by his son said the end credits. Ok then. So while the film might have been a bit 'bleh' I did at least win myself some more movie-geek points.

Kung Fu Hustle

Stephen Chow must have been a nightmare for his parents. I can just imagine him as a kid bouncing off the walls. That's certainly his directing style and it makes for a really entertaining film. Yes, it's very silly and there will be some dunderheads who won't be able to get past this or *shock*, the subtitles. But anyone with the savvy to persist will be rewarded with a hugely, er, rewarding film that has some of the best action and visuals I've seen in the past few years. It's just like a Roadrunner cartoon crossed with The Matrix. And the best parts of both at that (those later Roadrunner toons lost the plot once he started 'Meep-Meeping' with that Architect fella). Above all though it's just bleeding good fun watching a bizarre selection of odd characters (the camp shower ring man being my favourite) in a series of frenetic, 'throw the kitchen sink at each other' battles.

I think that Chow was going to direct the forthcoming 'Green Hornet' comic book adaptation. It's a desperate shame that fell apart as I'd love to see what he could do with a few million dollars of Hollywood's cash. If he keeps on making crazy Hong Kong films though that'll do me. Oh and while the World Cup's still on, you should try and track down 'Shaolin Soccer' too. Kapow.

The One

Voice over man and some intro text explains 'The Multiverse' in which there are 124 Jet Li's. Or specifically 124 alternate universes. There's probably even one where I'm a famous movie blogger. Anyway these Jet Li's are being killed by an evil Jet Li who is really evil. You get to see a few mugshots of the 124 and to be fair, they deserve to be deaded for the hilarious wigs and cheesey expressions that Jet wears. This may be the best bit of the film. Or a close second to the bit where Carla Gugino (who I have a bit of a thing for but she never calls anymore) releases a rat from the heel of her shoe which goes and blows up. Bad rat. You don't get to see the other 123 nice rats. You do get to see nice Jet Li's wedding pic though. More cheese.

Evil Li is hunted by a fluffy haired Jason Statham who mutters and grunts in a bizarre mid-Atlantic accent. Some chasey, shooty things happen involving piss-poor speed up running,  future tech guns that look like they came from Poundland and....oh I can't remember.... all set to a Linkin Park or some other ear-bad soundtrack. It's gash. Here is my collage of gashness.

Drag Me To Hell

After all the studio interference and skank-me-ups that plagued Spider-Man 3, it's obvious that director Sam Raimi relished cutting loose and making a goofy horror movie exactly how he wanted. No worries about crow-barring umpteen different villains into a cohesive storyline here - just a tale about a sweet girl getting cursed by a disgusting, mucus filled old gypsy hag. Nice. It's a proper nasty curse too - she's really made to suffer! Vomit, blood, buzzing fly up her nose, chucked round the room, hair pulled, sloshing in muddy grave, rancid innards over her face. Raimi gleefully puts her through the mill and as a spectacle it's almost like a Tom & Jerry cartoon on acid blended with The Exorcist. I loved it and laughed almost constantly. Call me a twisted old sod if you like but I reckon this was one of the funniest films I've seen in ages. It should have been called 'Laugh Me To Hell'.

Some of the JUMPY stuff is a bit too signposted and I can't see how anyone could say it's the 'scariest movie of the decade' as quoted from some fleet street hack on the DVD cover. It's too silly for that (in a good way).  It's certainly creepy in parts though and particularly inventive in the way some of the ghoulish attacks happen in broad daylight rather than the usual old thunder and lightning nonsense. Bonus points for that. Speaking of which I also claim my bonus geek points for spotting Sam Raimi's car.

After the hugely brilliant ending I was left with a big grin on my stupid face. Intensely funny or funnily intense is the rather confusing way I'd describe this film. See that's why I'll never get a quote on a DVD cover.

Where The Wild Things Are

I watched this with George. George is my son Jack's teddy bear. Neither of us had heard of this supposed classic children's story but we sat down to watch it anyway, mainly because it's directed by Spike Jonze (who is one of George's favourites). I definitely identified with the young boy in this called Max. Maybe it was the loneliness and frustration of childhood or maybe just the fact that I ran away when I was little too. Didn't create as much of an impact as I intended though. Probably because I just hung around behind the butcher's shop for a bit until I got bored and went home for some biscuits.

Some bizarrely beautiful images in this. I wouldn't say that Jonze is the best filmmaker in the world but his lo-fi style and the way he frames things just off kilter is tremendously appealing. Loved the sleep pile and the Saving Private Ryan-esque mud battle. Great use of music too especially the quirky score by Carter Burwell (another of George's favourites).

The big monster dudes are superbly done - which is a good job as the film depends entirely on you getting them. Incredibly expressive for their size and Pixar-esque in the way they subtly convey emotion. It's all in the eyes and the little glances. And using 'esque' in two consecutive paragraphs apparently.

I was trying to figure out what the wild things were and then George explained that they represent all the traits and emotions of Max's childhood and his imaginative little mind has constructed them to help him deal with the stuff that's upset him. Like being told the sun is going to burn out. Clever bear George.

We enjoyed this film. It's not a classic by any means but it was rather lovely. And the wooden base they built in it looked a bit like the Death Star.

The Box

Old geezer with nasty shaving cut gives box with button thingy in it to married couple. Riddles, bleeding noses and weird stuff follows. 70's setting is cool and it's all very Tales Of The Unexpected. I was quite enjoying it. But then it all goes off and just becomes a bit unpleasant and nasty really. I'm sorry I watched it. Eugh. Depressed now. Must create fun memory of film. Think happy thoughts, think happy thoughts......

That's better.

The Escapist

Had read lots of words that The Escapist was a very good film that had been seen by practically no one. So me watched film and they were right. Ruddy hell it's good. I'm right. You should watch this film.

Brian Cox is prison based bloke who hears about some bad family stuff and decides he needs to escape as soon as possible to sort it. Simple story then you might think - but thanks to a clever 'timey wimey' back and forth narrative you will be gripped like a very sticky vice that's been made grippier by the grip doctor. I won't tell you much more but some rather brilliant things happen. It's brilliant. You should watch this film.

Poster boy for abused Gingers (Damian Lewis) is also here. I like him. Strange character he plays though. Behaves like he has something up his bottom. The rest of the Brits are quality too but old Coxy is the Daddy. A very honest and subtly emotional performance. You should watch this film.

Could easily see this film again tonight to look out for things I missed. Mrs Fletch spotted a good one that made so much sense once we'd seen it all. Yes it's a prison film and on a basic level it's a widdle bit similar to The Shawshank Redemption - but where word of mouth propelled that to the top of many best film polls the same can't be said here. Massive error. This is a much more intelligent and satisfying movie. Just need to get people to see it. You should watch this film.

Spider-Man 2

Luke's been desperate to watch this for ages and tonight I gave in. Longer than I remember and pretty slow in parts but the effects and character driven story hold up very well. Aunt May does get on your thruppenny bits though eh with all the preachy 'hero inside you' guff?

Was impressed by Luke's analysis of the plot and people's motives. He's pretty sharp for a 7 year old - even trying to work out what materials the film makers used to create the webs. He also got very cuddly half way through and kept saying 'I love you Daddy'. Not ashamed to say I got a bit misty-eyed. Nothing this soppy old bloke likes more than watching a film with me boy.

Definitely the best of the spidey-trilogy. Alf Molina is good value as Doccy Occy. I like the scenes where his belly hangs out of his costume. There's also some strangely compelling bit parts like the thin girl with the milk and chocolate cake. Sam Raimi does clever camera bits and really captures the comic book feel. Is a shame they've bumped him off and are now planning another 'reboot' of the franchise to focus on a younger Peter Parker at high school. Christ on a bike that sounds poo.